Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
