Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
