Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are we still banned from the library?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
