He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
