benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
