i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
