we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
do herpes really smell.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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