Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
