I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
