I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
