Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
