Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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