Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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