wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
