Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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