That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
