the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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