The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
