ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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