He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize