awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
