Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
