I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
