I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
