FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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