If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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