Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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