In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
