Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize