I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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