im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
