Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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