shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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