I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
