Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize