I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
