I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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