I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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