the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
