So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
