:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
