I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Whod you bang
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
