Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
