Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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