when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
