Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Welp...herpes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so much tequila, so little girl.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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