pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
