I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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