my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize