im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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