there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
