Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
