Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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