We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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