Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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