If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
