There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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