Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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