There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
