I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
