This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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