we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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