As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
