VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
