just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am one with the molecules
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
