eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
