You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
