all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
