So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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