You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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