I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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