somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry my hands just texted you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
