I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize