Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
