I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
