plz talk dirty to me
youre lurking in front of me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
