you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
