I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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