Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
