My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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