My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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