new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
