Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
