Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
