I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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