are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
