Define "chronic" masturbator.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
