Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
