Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
