we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
