and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
