Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
