I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
