why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
