Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize