I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
