No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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