Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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